I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
