My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I did not marry a roomba.
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