it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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