The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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