i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
