So drunk its hurt
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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