So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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