Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
