Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
