so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
