Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
