margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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