Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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