wanna go halves on a baby?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
