the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My bed smells like the plague
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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