So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
