I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize