filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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