Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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