mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
