she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
