I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
