I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
