do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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