this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
