the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
