If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
