i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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