ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
