I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
