I'm sorry my penis didn't work
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
