just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
