I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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