last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
