she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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