Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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