so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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