Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
