No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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