My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
