Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize