apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
