I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
