they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
