Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
