Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
