Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
