i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
