i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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