Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize