Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
