how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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