you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
