Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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