Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
