five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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