going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
